Thursday, September 26, 2013

From Elsewhere On The Internet

I also have a great amount of sympathy for those of us in this class who are more fundamentally challenged. The ones who seem to suffer from a complete lack of etiquette and common courtesy as well as from peculiar eating disorders. I get it, that home life must have supremely difficult, and the public school system was so lacking that no one taught you how to behave in public, and, specifically, how to eat in public. And how not to.

Food selection: if you are so unable to time manage appropriately, and/or you are utterly incapable of waiting for the break to eat, may I be so bold as to recommend to you what not to bring as your dish of the day?
Tuna sandwiches: they stink up the entire room
Deli sandwiches: see above
Apples, pineapples and other crunchy fruit: your helpless classmates are here to study. We want to hear the professor, not the gnashing of your teeth and the crunch crunch crunch
Chips: Really? I mean, really? Refer to above point about the noise. But to add, you’re dying of hunger, and you choose to stuff your face with a bag of chips? Out of all available food options? It’s not very healthy, you know. 

See the entire text of the email here. 

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

From Elsewhere On The Internet

From Jezebel:

(P.S. If you contact me it will be assumed you have read, understood and agree with everything on this page. If you disagree or don't like anything please don't contact me. On the other hand, "If you SNOOZE, you lose. . .") NOTE: I WILL TEST YOU early in the first communications/interactions between us to know if you are real, honest, motivated, serious, etc. Please take this as a fair and friendly prior warning. 

ME = A very nice, mature , "gentleman." with a higher college degree and education. I have my own house (not apartment), car, income, etc. I am of Middle-Eastern descent (Iranian/Persian). A professional man with a GOOD BACKGROUND. Better than 99% of what you will find, GUARANTEE #1.

YOU = Good girl for friendship and romance. You would be treated very well and nobody will treat you better (GUARANTEE #2). HOWEVER IN ORDER FOR THIS TO HAPPEN . . .YOU HAVE TO BE. . . "Worthy," "Deserving" and "Reciprocate."

Click here for the rest of the "ad"...

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Thursday, August 8, 2013

From Elsewhere On The Internet

The full letter can be found at the following URL:

I have been offered a second internship with BMW, a profoundly respected world leader in luxury automobile manufacturing, for this upcoming summer and fall semesters. Obviously, looking to significantly enhance my resume to a level enabling me to one day run corporate America, I will be returning to this prestigious multinational corporation. Therefore, returning to the pool for another summer would be like Apple CEO Steve Jobs returning to Foot Locker for summer employment, especially seeing as that returning to the pool would mean being a subordinate to a woman of below average intelligence with the responsibility of teaching "ghetto" school children various topics and subjects that they couldn't care less about. This would be the equivalent of Bill Gates (Microsoft CEO, in case you were unaware) applying to work as a personal computer salesperson in a local Best Buy retail store.

From Elsewhere On The Internet

The full letter can be found at the following URL:

Hi Lauren,I'm disappointed in you. I'm disappointed that I haven't gotten a response to my voicemail and text messages.
FYI, I suggest that you keep in mind that emails sound more impersonal, harsher, and are easier to misinterpret than in-person or phone communication. After all, people can't see someone's body language or tone of voice in an email. I'm not trying to be harsh, patronizing, or insulting in this email. I'm honest and direct by nature, and I'm going to be that way in this email. By the way, I did a google search, so that's how I came across your email.

I think we should go out on a second date. In my opinion, our first date was good enough to lead to a second date.Why am I writing you? Well, hopefully, we will go out again. Even if we don't, I gain utility from expressing my thoughts to you. In addition, even if you don't want to go out again, I would like to get feedback as to why you wouldn't want to go again. Normally, I wouldn't ask a woman for this type of feedback after a first date, but this is an exception given I think we have a lot of potential. 

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Dating Ad

(Formatting preserved from original)

no Games no lies 100% real 
The plan is simple you respond we meet and then we are married
First I am 5'11 you have to be at least 5'3 or taller
I have never been married you have to be the same
I am white, I am catholic
I love sex you have to love it more
I am faithful you have to be ready to have sex/date only me for the rest
of your life :)
please email me back with your pic we can chat and see where it goes from there
I am a professinal kind harted guy who likes helping others make ,Money or start there lives over. pritty simple and straight forward no games no bull I am 100% serious
 I am a bit older I am 33
I am white  live alone Near <CITY> on the lake USA
Blue Eyes Brown hair 5'11 180 Slim
I like scuba diving, Rock climbing, wind surfing, riding my motor cycle
I also like cooking, Live music, Plays, Symphony, nice restaurants
please email me back with your pic we can chat and see where it goes from there
if you have a web cam and yahoo we can chat and see that we are who we say we are

Reply to forum post

From:  BritishChick
To: Lady_USA

This may be one of the weirdest messages you've ever
> got through FORUM, so feel free to ignore it..
> I just lurk at FORUM and read the thread you started a
> few months ago. At the time I quite liked
> lesbians...but since being screwed over by one last
> week i'm hating at the moment. WTF can't they decide
> what they want? I remembered the thread and how you
> seem relatively cool and normal (as much as one can
> tell over the internet!) and thought i'd just let
> you know you are not alone in having such 
> sentiments! 
> (Brief bio - not in USA area, in fact in
> England)
> British chick x

From:  Lady_USA
To: BritishChick

Thanks, however I actually AM a lesbian.  I can
understand how you might hate lesbians, or feel angry
in regards to lesbians, but maybe you should lurk a
bit more?  I really am quite queer.

Thanks, though!