Thursday, September 26, 2013

From Elsewhere On The Internet

I also have a great amount of sympathy for those of us in this class who are more fundamentally challenged. The ones who seem to suffer from a complete lack of etiquette and common courtesy as well as from peculiar eating disorders. I get it, that home life must have supremely difficult, and the public school system was so lacking that no one taught you how to behave in public, and, specifically, how to eat in public. And how not to.

Food selection: if you are so unable to time manage appropriately, and/or you are utterly incapable of waiting for the break to eat, may I be so bold as to recommend to you what not to bring as your dish of the day?
Tuna sandwiches: they stink up the entire room
Deli sandwiches: see above
Apples, pineapples and other crunchy fruit: your helpless classmates are here to study. We want to hear the professor, not the gnashing of your teeth and the crunch crunch crunch
Chips: Really? I mean, really? Refer to above point about the noise. But to add, you’re dying of hunger, and you choose to stuff your face with a bag of chips? Out of all available food options? It’s not very healthy, you know. 

See the entire text of the email here. 

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

From Elsewhere On The Internet

From Jezebel:

(P.S. If you contact me it will be assumed you have read, understood and agree with everything on this page. If you disagree or don't like anything please don't contact me. On the other hand, "If you SNOOZE, you lose. . .") NOTE: I WILL TEST YOU early in the first communications/interactions between us to know if you are real, honest, motivated, serious, etc. Please take this as a fair and friendly prior warning. 

ME = A very nice, mature , "gentleman." with a higher college degree and education. I have my own house (not apartment), car, income, etc. I am of Middle-Eastern descent (Iranian/Persian). A professional man with a GOOD BACKGROUND. Better than 99% of what you will find, GUARANTEE #1.

YOU = Good girl for friendship and romance. You would be treated very well and nobody will treat you better (GUARANTEE #2). HOWEVER IN ORDER FOR THIS TO HAPPEN . . .YOU HAVE TO BE. . . "Worthy," "Deserving" and "Reciprocate."

Click here for the rest of the "ad"...

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Thursday, August 8, 2013

From Elsewhere On The Internet

The full letter can be found at the following URL:

I have been offered a second internship with BMW, a profoundly respected world leader in luxury automobile manufacturing, for this upcoming summer and fall semesters. Obviously, looking to significantly enhance my resume to a level enabling me to one day run corporate America, I will be returning to this prestigious multinational corporation. Therefore, returning to the pool for another summer would be like Apple CEO Steve Jobs returning to Foot Locker for summer employment, especially seeing as that returning to the pool would mean being a subordinate to a woman of below average intelligence with the responsibility of teaching "ghetto" school children various topics and subjects that they couldn't care less about. This would be the equivalent of Bill Gates (Microsoft CEO, in case you were unaware) applying to work as a personal computer salesperson in a local Best Buy retail store.

From Elsewhere On The Internet

The full letter can be found at the following URL:

Hi Lauren,I'm disappointed in you. I'm disappointed that I haven't gotten a response to my voicemail and text messages.
FYI, I suggest that you keep in mind that emails sound more impersonal, harsher, and are easier to misinterpret than in-person or phone communication. After all, people can't see someone's body language or tone of voice in an email. I'm not trying to be harsh, patronizing, or insulting in this email. I'm honest and direct by nature, and I'm going to be that way in this email. By the way, I did a google search, so that's how I came across your email.

I think we should go out on a second date. In my opinion, our first date was good enough to lead to a second date.Why am I writing you? Well, hopefully, we will go out again. Even if we don't, I gain utility from expressing my thoughts to you. In addition, even if you don't want to go out again, I would like to get feedback as to why you wouldn't want to go again. Normally, I wouldn't ask a woman for this type of feedback after a first date, but this is an exception given I think we have a lot of potential. 

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Dating Ad

(Formatting preserved from original)

no Games no lies 100% real 
The plan is simple you respond we meet and then we are married
First I am 5'11 you have to be at least 5'3 or taller
I have never been married you have to be the same
I am white, I am catholic
I love sex you have to love it more
I am faithful you have to be ready to have sex/date only me for the rest
of your life :)
please email me back with your pic we can chat and see where it goes from there
I am a professinal kind harted guy who likes helping others make ,Money or start there lives over. pritty simple and straight forward no games no bull I am 100% serious
 I am a bit older I am 33
I am white  live alone Near <CITY> on the lake USA
Blue Eyes Brown hair 5'11 180 Slim
I like scuba diving, Rock climbing, wind surfing, riding my motor cycle
I also like cooking, Live music, Plays, Symphony, nice restaurants
please email me back with your pic we can chat and see where it goes from there
if you have a web cam and yahoo we can chat and see that we are who we say we are

Reply to forum post

From:  BritishChick
To: Lady_USA

This may be one of the weirdest messages you've ever
> got through FORUM, so feel free to ignore it..
> I just lurk at FORUM and read the thread you started a
> few months ago. At the time I quite liked
> lesbians...but since being screwed over by one last
> week i'm hating at the moment. WTF can't they decide
> what they want? I remembered the thread and how you
> seem relatively cool and normal (as much as one can
> tell over the internet!) and thought i'd just let
> you know you are not alone in having such 
> sentiments! 
> (Brief bio - not in USA area, in fact in
> England)
> British chick x

From:  Lady_USA
To: BritishChick

Thanks, however I actually AM a lesbian.  I can
understand how you might hate lesbians, or feel angry
in regards to lesbians, but maybe you should lurk a
bit more?  I really am quite queer.

Thanks, though!

Don't let it look nasty!

From:  Store Manager

Good day everyone,

Just wanted to send out a weekly update.

First, the sale has officially ended. We did not do as well as I would like. We did not beat last year’s sales, but we did make up ground the last two weeks.

Next, I came in today and the break area was a disaster…people left their soda containers, bottled waters containers and someone even left their Chipotle bag and wrapper inside. This is just disgusting! If this continues, I will be not only write up the associate who left their garbage, but also the closing supervisor. Have pride in the store!

Every night, we need to mop the entire sales floor whenever there is snow or rain on the ground. It gets tracked into the store and makes the floors look nasty.

Let’s continue to focus on sales and customer service. It HAS to be our #1 priority!

Thank you for everything and let’s keep pushing!!


((This, from the same man who leaves Dunkin Donuts cups of coffee of varying vintage littered all over the office. And had a coffee spill for three weeks under his chair.))

Working For Fools

From:  Store Manager
To:  Store Management (all)
Sep 5
Subject:  Nightly Deposits

Good morning,

Effective immediately per Regional Manager, all deposits must be brought to the bank first thing in the morning instead of being dropped off at night. You are to bring the deposit inside the bank and have it counted in front of you.

If any error if found with the deposit, you are to email (Department) and cc Regional Manager and myself immediately.

Going forward, starting tomorrow the opening manager/supervisor is to now come in 15 minutes earlier than they are scheduled so they have time to take the deposit to the bank and return to open the store on time. So for example: Normally, you are scheduled at 8:30am….you will now be scheduled to come in at 8:15am

Secondly, starting today, associates will now be assigned to a register. They are to only ring on the register they are assigned. Managers/Supervisors will ring on the same register.

Because of this, all three registers must now be open everyday.

Any overage or shortage of $5.00 or more on a register will result in the associates assigned to that register to receive disciplinary action.

If you have any questions, please feel free to see me!

From: Store Manager
To: Assistant Store Manager
Sep 5
Subject:  RE: Registers

Why did you open all three registers?  You shouldn't ahve clocked in early either.

From:  Assistant Manager
To: Store Manager
Sep 5
Subject:  FWD: Nightly Deposits

You told me to, per your email this morning.

From:  Store Manager
To:  Assistant Store Manager
Sep 5
Subject:  RE: FWD: Nightly Deposits

Oh, I talked to Regional Manager.  We're not going to do that.

Not Excepting Excuses

From:  New Boss
To: Department

Hey everyone, just wanted to let you ladies know that I will not be announcing any of my visits to any of the stores. You should keep this in mind daily to ensure that nothing falls through the cracks for my visits. Also, if I give you a list of things I want to see changed in any of the stores, do not tell me it's done and let me come in and see it's not done. I do not take kindly to lying and it will lead to disciplinary actions. I want to get off on the right foot with everyone and I hope you want to do the same with me. I don't except excuses, only results. If anyone has any questions please feel free to ask. Thanks...

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Friendship Lost?


RE:  Friendship

I cannot believe the things you've said to me lately.  I know I have problems that I need to fix, but you aren't being supportive as a friend should.  I have been self-absorbed in my issues right now because I've gone through a lot of changes and stress lately.  Most people would be understanding of something like that and would give their friend what they need: support, love, understanding, and time.
You, however, have done what you could to make me feel guilty for trying to get my life in order for once.  I have ALWAYS been there for you, for everything.  I know plenty of times that I've sat on the phone with you for hours, listening to the things you needed to say, and trying to help you as best I could.
You are not giving me the courtesy that one deserves from a best friend.  You are treating me as if I'm purposefully trying to upset you or ruin our friendship, when that is not the case.  I understand that you may be busy, too.
I can't believe that you could be so self-absorbed yourself to tell your supposed best friend that she needs to go institutionalize herself, that she's a bad friend, and all the other harsh things you said to me.
If you loved me and cared about me as you have said, I would have your love and support through it all, as I would do endlessly for you.
I do not expect or demand a reply.  I just wanted my rebuttal to get out there.
I don't need in my life someone that is going to harm me and try to drag me back down again.  I'm trying to fix things, and your attitude towards the situation is childish, immature, and very unfriendly and demeaning.
If anyone is being a bad friend, 'tis you, my friend.  Until you can know what it is to truly have a reciprocal friendship, I bid you adieu.


I think you sent this to the wrong email address. I don't actually know you.


Bill had broken up with me because I'm insensitive.  You and I had a falling out because I'm selfish.  Lucy is in the process of berating me about my bluntness and that it's hurtful.  I'm realizing that I've done something very wrong, and I'm trying to fix it.  I want to be a better person, the one that can truly be compassionate. unselfish, and be a true friend.  I'm working on it, but it's hard to do when everyone has left me.  I implore you, beg you, to love me again and allow me to atone for everything I've done.  I've done you a lot of wrong by being selfish and paying attention to my own needs.  I still am hurt by the way you went about telling me these things, but I understand that at any other time, I would not have been hurt by it but defensive or bitter.
Alex, I love you, and you've been my friend for so long.  We've gone through a lot of things, some worse than this, and I want to make things better.  I want to get together with you and I want to know everything that's happened in your life that I've now missed out on.  Please allow me to fix things and make things better between us.  I AM trying hard to be a better person and friend, and I hope you allow me the chance to prove myself.


...I'm not Alex. And I still don't know you. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you. Just give Alex a call, okay?

Working Under the Influence

From:  Boss
To:  All Department
Subject:  Zebera Chair

When I was visiting the stores, I noticed a few things that need t to be fixed. The Zebra chair be long are not shown.ngs in the black and white colliction.

Also, please take off all the tags off the sheers for the test area so they.

Any questions please give me a call

Have a good day, Jenny

The Department's Response:

Jenny should not be emailing while drunk.  What. The. Hell.

In response to a forum post

The forum post:  He's not scary because he comes from the Bronx. He's scary because he's one of those dudes that only wears a trenchcoat and gropes people on crowded trains. 

The dude's response:

Was the sort of nasty lie, said so casually, yet so viciously, that makes me wonder what happened in your life to make your Soul become so oriented towards trying to offend others, when there is so
much goodness which you instead could aspire towards. I really pity you for your feeling that you have to play to the lowest instincts the way that you did in your post. You ought to apologize to me
and to everyone who read your crap! You obviously know nothing about me, if you can believe the nonsense that your hate fevered brain dreamed up.

Friday, July 5, 2013

Frequently Asked Questions

How do I submit an email?

Forward it to and it can be posted.  Please be aware... this blog is for the especially WTF-y notes that sometimes come across.  This is not for mundane missives, this is for the truly shocking and confusing.

When will you post it?

Emails will be posted as they come in and are approved.

Can I add background information?

You can, but your letter will not be considered if it's longer than a third of your letter.  If it needs that much explanation, it's probably not that crazy.

Will the email be anonymized?

Yes. I'll do it, whether or not you do.

Can I comment on other letters?

Absolutely! Comments are not currently moderated, but we reserve the right to start moderation at any time.

That's my email!  Take it down!

These requests will be reviewed on a case-by-case basis.  Also, you should really look into a private communications tutor.

I have a letter I wrote to someone else. Can I post it here?

That's something for this blog's sister site, Best Left Unsent.  Go ahead and submit it there!